remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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