Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
