he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
