Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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