i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
