I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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