Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
