I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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