Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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