I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
