I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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