i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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