Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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