Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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