He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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