I just pynch a tree in the face
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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