ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
