she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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