please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
