Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
