That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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