um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my poor anus
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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