So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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