I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
