the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize