My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
