I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
