On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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