So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
