i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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