So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
