I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
