Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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