just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
