I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize