Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
