today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
