she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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