so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize