I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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