While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you bring me the toilet please
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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