Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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