WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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