When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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