Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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