when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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