It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
