I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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