i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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