you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
