My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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