Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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