i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
