it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
