new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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