I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
