I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
