he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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