I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
