im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i will never coherently bang her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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