Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
