There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
