I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize