My sheets look like a crime scene.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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