in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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