I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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