Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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