just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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