so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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