A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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