were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
