She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
