My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize