Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
