I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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