I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
