I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
