Your face is a jimmy john
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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