ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
